Alcoholism is a plague, a terrible disease. And it can and does affect many people. Some people can drink moderately, even get a bit drunk from times to times, and not become alcoholics. Some other just can’t, and I’m one of them. i started drinking years ago. For the taste, the pleasure, the feeling. Never I imagined where it would lead me. The bottom of the pit. Hell indeed.
Little by little, I began to drink more, and more. I couldn’t spend a day without at least one drink. Then two. After a while, every evening, I would indulge in my bottle of wine. Then two. Plus beers, or cocktails, and whwisky during the day. And it escalated. I hated my life, and I hated my job. So I started to drink in the morning, One bottle of wine before leaving. At lunch, I would always eat alone, to hide my drinking from others.
Silently, I had become physically dependant. Hooked on the booze. I was drunk all day. Nobody could tell though. I was behaving normally, (apparently). Physical depndance is something I would not whis to my worst enemy. After work, and before getting my dose, I would shake violently, even unable to hold a glass in my hand, so using a straw. I was feling so bad that I tried to kill myself twice, with pills.
Conscious I had a big problem, I decided to seek help and turned myself in at a psychiatric hospital in Paris for rehab. After 3 weeks, I was set free from this place were all the doors are locked and the windows barred, telling myself never again. I relapsed 3 more times. The last one was the hardest. I started drinking again, and began to wake up in the middle of the night with terrible withdrawal symptoms. Luckily, if if may say, I always had a bottle at hand, so I would silently go into the living room to get my wine. In the morning, I would wait, shaking, for the supermarket to open. I was drinking at least 4 litres a day.
One night, I decided I had enough. Packed a suitcase, and, the morning after, went again to the psych ward. I waited many hours to have a bed, and was in a semi coma when I finally got some anti withdrawal drugs. I slept 19 hours for a week
My doctor there had little hope for me. I was badly anaemic, and not willing to live any more.
But this time, it did the trick. On the 14th December 2012, I left the hospital with some medicines, including baclofene. I had lost everything. My job, all my money, and my self respect. I slowly began to rebuilt myself, with the help of my doctors, a very good online support group, and the little number of friends I still have.
Nearly one year later, I’m finally happy. Totally sober. Not a drop. I have plans; this blog is one of theses.
I wanted to write this story. I needed to. But I would like also to convey a message. If you have a drinking problem, get treated. As soon as possible. Once you realize it, do not wait. Get help. Being sober again, and rebuilding yourself may not be easy, but it is a definite path to a more balance life and happiness.
There are many groups that can help, and some new drugs like baclofene to curb your cravings.
There is hope